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January 18th, 2012
08:17 pm - SOPA and PIPA
Wiki's strategy to raise awareness worked on me. I just read the Wiki pages on SOPA & PIPA (the only English pages not blacked out today). Google is also hosting an action petition against the two bills.
Opponents say the bills' measures would impose censorship, & innumerable hours of pointless work on legitimate companies to take action against illegitimate sites which can easily just skip to a different name, or continue using their numerical URLs. The bills' measures would penalize legitimate companies more tangibly than the actually errant sitest. Further, the bills could be easily abused to limit freedoms and sharing of information. IE - everyone would bear a burden to prove that they are not guilty, and they can be wrongly accused.
What I think people are missing is that our new era demands new, not old solutions to new challenges. We are in a new, many to many, crowd-sourced world of communication and information. In this world, more legal impositions from a government is neither effective nor desirable, and imo archaic. We have to come up with a new, imaginative methods - perhaps crowd-policing (by the crowd) in line with the democratic powers of the multitude having distinct voices as a result of the internet. And perhaps we have to accept a new cooperative form of co-existance and law enforcement than we previously thought possible, in order to even imagine the possibilities.
The internet is the new "public space", and if it is controlled, then it loses its value as a public space. The rules for this new type of public space cannot be the same as for the tradition 3 dimensional kind. It is international and transcends cultural and national value systems and beliefs. We have to collectively understand the ethos and the rules of this new space and evolve its ethics, not impose an archaic system of law enforcement upon it.
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June 7th, 2011
02:39 am - Consumptive, Productive & Sustaining
Life seems to be about consumptive activities (enjoyment related) and productive activities (contributions to the world through work or service).
Of course contributions to the world are enjoyable, but I am wanting to understand what motivates us to act - the need for consumption or the the need for contribution (production).
There are activities that can be both (self evolution / self improvement / parenting). I personally don't believe that self evolution is highly productive, although it is a necessary building block towards productivity.
Creative activities can certainly be productive, but I want to categorize them more into the Consumptive and Sustaining side of the scale. At least for myself they seem to be more that way.
A Trader Joe's card sums my theory up well, "I wake up in the morning torn between a desire to make the world a better place and to enjoy the world". Although not exclusive, they do occupy different spheres of time and action.
There are also some activities that are sustenance related that could be strongly consumptive and weakly productive (exercise, food and food related creativity etc.)
Whether an activity is consumptive or productive depends on each person's outlook on life and what they are seeking (or finding / getting) from that activity. There are some who would argue that "Production" (ie contribution to the world) is not important to them and they are fine with living their life entirely consumptively. I am not ok with this model, and I believe that my life has to be productive in some capacity. I also believe that each of us inevitably are productive in that we make a mark and a contribution to the world whether we design that impact or not.
When I was younger friendships were possibly more productive than consumptive, although they can be both. They are enjoyable and sustaining (for our mental and emotional health), but they are productive in what they contribute to the other person (ie "the world"). To some degree they are also productive inasmuch as they are self evolutionary. More recently friendships for me have been largely consumptive. I enjoy being around fun people, "consuming" or enjoying life experiences with others, or feel good from being a friend / giving advice (feeling useful). Lately I have been seeing the contributive component (sharing my time, knowledge or wisdom) as consumptive because I am motivated by my own romantic notion of its value rather than the actual productive value of this. In other words, it makes me feel good to be a friend more than I care about how valuable it may be to the other person.
Being motivated in a friendship by an analysis of how valuable that friendship is to the other person is flawed and pompous. So perhaps friendships are always consumptive in that they are motivated by our enjoyment of the relationship ?
Parenting is arguably productive in that a child is a contribution to the world via their own productive capacity, and in how parenting evolves onself. However, it has been more actively consumptive for me and more passively productive. Although it is indeed exponentially self evolutionary in perspective, self awareness and time management, it is overwhelmingly joyous and therefore motivated by consumption.
I wanted to pen this down to draw thoughts from other people on this life perspective and to record my own evolutionary thought process on life.
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02:28 am - Lyfe update & categories of time
While tidying up my desk, I chanced upon a notebook journal of mine capturing notes between 2000 and 2003 with a few entries from 2008.
I've continued to grow up since then. As have we all. I think a big difference is that I don't take as much time to analyze my thoughts and "growing up" as much. Part of that is because I already have a good handle on it and process it quickly, so I don't need my journal to do so. The other part of is that I struggle for time to manage my priorities.
And my priorities are easier for me to list now, especially as an inference of what I spend my time doing. Being a mother and the grown woman of a household has constricted the luxuries of self analysis via the written word.
My life categories (what takes my time) in rough order and some notes:
( Read more... )
Self analysis has become part of the sand around the rocks. Snatched away from sleep. Like now.
Documenting life experiences (in the form of blogs, or organizing photographs) have completely fallen off the table. I rely on friends and D to help me recall the experiences I enjoy with them and am processing the place of these experiences in my life on the fly. I wonder if I enjoy them less as a result. Overall, documenting experiences has become more consumptive (an extension of the enjoyment of the experience itself) rather than evolutionary. I am sad about not being able to share experiences more widely with friends and family. I should probably try to do better.
This, I hope, is a form of prayer. The perspective and overview which will hopefully help me re-organize and design my life the way I need it to be.
Current Mood:  Taking stock of life
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May 2nd, 2011
11:32 pm - Bin Laden - justice by killing or by capture
I am more acutely aware (today) of the need for Obama to say “I” rather than “we” with respect to the operations regarding Bin Laden. This is a security issue. Lest the jihadists identify and hunt down the military involved in the operation, Obama takes responsibility. He was cognizant of the price on his head going up as he said this. And the campaign reward for that price is probably very inadequate.
“Today, at my direction, the United States launched a targeted operation against that compound in Abbottabad, Pakistan. A small team of Americans carried out the operation with extraordinary courage and capability. No Americans were harmed. They took care to avoid civilian casualties. After a firefight, they killed Osama bin Laden and took custody of his body.”
The question of killing versus capture is a different one.
In an article about Bin Laden, author Greenwald calls this the “emotional consensus” and it is glorious indeed. He asks what will change now. My answer is that just like the falling symbol in Iraq, this is a fallen symbol and things will change. It can renew jihadists faith and create the urgency for a new leader. And it can renew the faith of the decent people of the world in justice. Will we fight fewer wars ? I don’t know, but hopefully there will be some deflation in the confidence of the Al Qaeda to plan attacks on large scales.
“In sum, a murderous religious extremist was killed. The U.S. has erupted in a collective orgy of national pride and renewed faith in the efficacy and righteousness of military force”
http://www.salon.com/news/opinion/glenn_greenwald/2011/05/02/bin_laden
What I find interesting about Greenwald’s article is the idea that justice may have been made visible if Bin Laden were captured, tried and punished as a war criminal. However, I fully appreciate the delicacy of Bin-Laden’s existence in U.S. hands and the temptation of anyone in contact with him to kill him. Importantly his “killing” definitely deprives him of the dignity of trial, and yet offers the quasi dignity of burial at sea in accordance with Islamic rites. Both are perhaps important notions for the world at large to hold on to. Both the deprivation of dignity by trial and the quasi dignity of burial at sea are important pieces of intelligence in the war against terrorists.
Obama’s speech: “I directed Leon Panetta, the director of the CIA, to make the killing or capture of bin Laden the top priority”.
This gives me pause. I have no doubt that this direction was first heavily discussed. Which one would be the best outcome for the nation and world at large – killing or capture ? Saddam was captured and although it provided a longer period of news fodder, it certainly set up a bunch of logistical problems. Besides, Saddam’s followers had been disarmed and were less dangerous. Not so with Bin Laden. So killing it probably had to be. Even if it wasn’t.
Now, I think the world would feel even greater gratification from seeing the gruesome images of the ordeal.
http://www.vanityfair.com/online/daily/2011/05/government-has-photos-of-osama-bin-laden-with-gunshot-wound-and-other-news.html
That will help my inner doubts rest more comfortably on the laurels won by the American military.
The University of Arizona has a 2hr DNA matching machine - the only one of its kind. Was the DNA matched through an arrangement made with them ?
See second to last paragraph:
http://www.fastcompany.com/1751030/how-a-dna-identity-test-on-osama-bin-laden-works
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April 26th, 2011
10:07 pm - Train meeting
This morning I sat in the train writing in my notebook. The guy next to me complimented me on my beautiful penmanship. I said thank you and I wondered whether to add my little joke that I studied architecture and so I should have something to show for it. I decided not to.
A few minutes later I asked him what work he does and he said, “I’m an architect”.
I began to laugh and he asked me why. I said I just moved away from it. He asked why and I said I found myself a little disillusioned with the progress I was able to make, and with the fact that I was passionate about Sustainability and that I was very unhappy with where the industry was going – that there was a lot of greenwashing that people are feeling satisfied by. I told him also that I’m working on my exams, and a move to management was a fun ego boost. He unexpectedly got off at the next station, but gave me his card.
Doug Farr
President and Founding Principal at Farr Associates.
Chicago.
http://www.farrside.com/
Take a look at the About Page
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April 25th, 2011
02:22 am - Sathya Sai Baba
Sathya Sai Baba has "left his earthly body" today.
He is a man I have felt no draw towards. I know of one who felt strong revulsion. And others who experienced his aura. The allegations about him were not something I looked into, because the Baba hadn't particularly touched my life.
SSB's "miracles" have never done much for me. I never found his miracles to increase my faith, but nor did I find them to make me question his spiritual divinity. I was an agnostic, and his tricks did not change my agnosticism one way or another. I figured if he is divine, then perhaps these sorts of tricks help some people find something to hold on to, and thus even a divine being would have a motivation to be a performer. And if he was not, then the motive for these tricks would be obvious.
But the sexual allegations were more problematic for my agnostic stance. Sexual relations, especially when not pleasantly received, are hard to justify upon grounds of divinity. They make a lot more sense when examined as though SSB was a con-man.
Yet, especially upon his death, I wonder with greater interest: For a man so powerful and so obviously capable, I would imagine that he could easily choose his sexual fulfillment more wisely and with greater care. There would be many within his followers who would willingly associate with him sexually, so why choose men and boys who were unwilling, or those who were unprepared.
A baba devotee explains SSB's sexuality eloquently and with a great deal of faith and passion. http://www.saibaba-aclearview.com/contents1.html
To quote from the website in SSB first person voice:
“If you could see the past lives and the past actions
of the souls with whom I have interacted in that way,
along with their various mental obstacles
and their prior relationships with God,
you would understand what I have done with them perfectly.
And if you could see the extraordinary spiritual benefit
that will accrue to those souls in due course,
as a result of their intimate contact with Me,
you would be ashamed of your doubts!”
...
“Know that whatever I do with my devotees
is always the most efficient medicine for those souls,
and a gift of immeasurable grace.
My actions are always a perfect expression of Divine Love,
for That is what I am.”
Hmm.
This devotee makes a long and strong case surrounding the idea that SSB's sexual encounters were part of his "tantric work" on people who needed sexually charged spiritual attention. To defend why these sexual interactions would be unwelcome, this devotee writes:
"The Divine Doctor won’t hesitate to perform life-saving surgery, even if the patient is reluctant to have it, for the Doctor knows what is needed and realizes that the patient doesn’t. And even if, after a successful surgery, the patient condemns the Doctor for the ‘abuse’ he imagines he received on the operating table, the Divine Doctor will bear the condemnation gracefully, fully understanding the patient’s ignorance."
He substantiates his theory with the idea that the secondary benefit to the exposure of such work is to test the devotees for their faith and to weed out the weak.
Apparently SSB regularly worked with devotees and oiled them below the navel. Some received oiling lower still, to "awaken their Kundalini" by rubbing their scrotum and perineum. Such contact was not always unwelcome and apparently some devotees felt it to be liberating and energizing.
http://www.saisathyasai.com/baba/Ex-Baba.com/sathya-sai-baba-oil-oiling.html
So, were the accusations of sexual conduct coming from people who were mis-interpreting a somewhat regular or common SSB tantric technique ? I read more primary source documents of the original sexual allegations. (Links to several authentic sounding first hand experiences, with the caveat that these are assembled at a website that has a specific agenda):
http://www.saiguru.net/english/personal_exp/new.htm
http://www.saiguru.net/english/articles/Seduced.html
Those molested by Baba are not able to reconcile their experiences with any sort of spiritual intent. And first hand accounts don't seem to speak of any spiritual preparatory work that someone with spiritual intent could have done.
I'd phrase my thoughts the way PM Manmohan Singh did, "Sri SSB was a spiritual leader who inspired millions to lead a moral and meaningful life even as they followed the religion of their choice." And for the good work, positive thought and faith that he inspired, the world has lost something.
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April 18th, 2011
01:29 am - Creative - djembe and drawing
Been in a rather creative mood lately. A few weeks ago I felt compelled to get a djembe and it has been a wonderful toy. I've felt that it's a release for pent up creative energy. Even though I wasn't actively being creative at my previous job (what with so much LEED left-brained work to do), I had just enough outlet for it that I wasn't actively exercising the architectural and aesthetic sensibilities of my brain.
In my new job with pure management and virtually no aesthetics on a daily basis, I feel more creative. It could also be a function of the changing weather into Spring.
Rythms have been flowing out of me. 3 beat, 5 beat, 7 beat, 9 beat, and the more typical 4/4. Staying focussed on the rhythm while actively producing it is an exhilarating equivalent to consuming techno music.
Inspired by J & K, I took out my old sketch books. From school days under Solomon Vedamuthu (bless his name), and from Denmark. I had forgotten that I had drawn anything at all while in Italy and England, but I am so glad that I did. It has been 5 years since I put pen to paper in any meaningful manner. The time has returned.
Right now, I am opting to do some office work rather than invest in my own creativity. Although sleep may still amazingly take priority. And of course procrastinating on it all by writing on LJ!
I feel sad that I have forgotten how to feel. The poetry of my soul has definitely been diminished since my education. I am peturbed because I feel quite sure that there is no way of getting it back. On the one hand feeling too much was also accompanied by feelings of pain and insecurity. And I wonder now whether diminishing those negative feelings simply went inevitably hand in hand with diminishing all feeling. I wish I could experience a new era of feeling life's poetry, without feeling life's pain. I would have to do something about it, and already I feel the heavy hand of hopelessness.
Feeling used to be accompanied by clear verbal ability for me. No more now. Feeling is more often now accompanied by fuzziness of articulation. While I used to be too verbose, I could at least extract the words. Now my right brain often stomps over the left brain to experience things that I cannot record, cannot document, cannot capture with words, and therefore cannot capture with memory.
Not only are the feelings dying or dead to a large extent, so too is the memory, or the ability to make memories of feelings that I do have. Thus is it a cyclical process. My nerve endings fray, and I am not able to reinforce any neuronal connections that I do make.
Soon I will dedicate some time to sketching and see if I can't revive some neural pathways.
I would like to travel again, to lands that make me feel. And yet I wonder if I can feel again, the way I used to. And if I would have time to feel even if I did, given that I have a child. Childcare will absorb any available time to foster those feelings. There wouldn't be time to sketch, draw or experience the feelings that I may vaguely be aware of having. And if I wait until after she's out of the house, will I simply be even further removed from my ability to experience them, or be able to draw and seek within myself and the eye of my soul ?
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April 4th, 2011
01:04 am - Death
An eternal mystery to those who are alive. [ Error: Irreparable invalid markup ('<lj-user="canuckgirl">') in entry. Owner must fix manually. Raw contents below.] An eternal mystery to those who are alive. <lj-user="canuckgirl"> http://canuckgirl.livejournal.com/profile died in her sleep on the 16th of February. I did not know her. I'm guessing from her user info that she was 47 years old.
Her LJ, her hopes, dreams, trials and tribulations, her user information or her words, give me some perspectives on life and death.
Despite not knowing her, there's a hollow feeling inside. Someone from my community is gone. Forever. Someone from my generation, my circle is gone.
Rest in peace, Canuck Girl. I hope you have all the time in the world to read the best books, enjoy cats like never before and the opportunity to see the Great Big Sea in concert as often as you like.
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12:43 am - A spring weekend worth recording
Fri:
Juhani Pallasmaa spoke on Friday evening on the poetry of architecture, comparing it to literature and painting. Entitled "Landscapes of Architecture", it did exactly as I had hoped, ie, inspire me to rediscover the beauty and joy of architecture. I immensely enjoyed it despite the lower than desired warmth of the University.
K and J arrived with a huge box of Chinese Food from Noodle Cafe. General Tso's tofu was excellent. After the meal, we ate Fortune Cookies and Nazook that K had brought. The other K, had, as usual, hit the couch and enjoyed a post prandial nap. J, K and I had very lazy game of Scrabble, while K slept and D dozed as his work laptop. A quiet, but pleasant end to a week filled with sickness and stress at work.
Sat:
K was back to being a happy, cute, and thankfully un-sick child. I thoroughly enjoyed reading her stories on the potty and playing with her as we both got ready. Poor D was working hard on his production release. The drive to J's place was gorgeous. Tons of people celebrating the weather in Forest Park, running, flying kites etc. At J's places, Tater (Trader) tots were hot, M & her brother S were there as well as J&K. Despite the oatmeal at home, K ate boat loads of Tater tots and 2.5 blueberry waffles. The match progressed very satisfactorily while the spring sun shone on the dogwood and redbud blossoms outside from a blue sky.
I called Appa and Neelu to share India's win. It was fun to be with friends who were all into the game. K napped while I caught highlights of the previous innings. Around 3pm, I dropped M & S home so they could catch their lost morning sleep (they had woken at 4am to watch from the beginning).
At home, family reunited. Chinese leftovers for lunch while K snacked. We then took my flat bike tire to Big Shark. $54 later (new tire & tube) we were off. Through Demun, Clayton and some other really gorgeous, picturesque and cozy neighborhoods. K was really enjoying seeing me ride along and D was glad to finally share a ride with us both. We both loved sharing life with our little one.
Through Forest Park at a speed that challenged my thighs, we rode to M's house again, where we woke M & S up prematurely. Back into the gorgeous day, we stopped at Forest Park playground and told a Minneapolis family (on their way from Orlando) where to go for Ice Cream (the loop). I returned early to get K's dinner ready.
Meanwhile K called with the deal that he'd accompany me to the dance party if we left right away for the Pakistani meal. Got dressed up to party, only to arrive there and find that Sarees and Kurtas was the code for the Holi celebration. C, A & and their friend J had come. Food was good, but danced with us.
DJ Dhol Raj (who has adopted the name I have christened him with without knowing it was my idea) played for an enthu, mixed crowd. I danced hard and furiously, feeling my thighs burn and my knees complain. Best shoes I've ever danced in. Home by 11pm, there was time to read a book before bed.
Sun:
K woke up bawling at 6am. She was running around nanga upstairs when I told her that K-mama had come. She ran to her closet and insisted on putting on clothes before she was willing to go downstairs to greet him.
32 mins around the wind buffeted perimeter before we caught up with J again. K wisely did his own round while J rode a geared bike for the first time. We stretched, sun saluted and enjoyed the warmth of the sun in the cool air. Back home K ate her second scrambled egg, and debated between brunch at Cafe Madeleine / Wildflower cafe, or the Temple.
Played the djembe for a solid hour, and enjoyed our family time. J&K went to the temple, and we picked up M&S on the way to Tower Grove Park. K tucked into bread pudding, croissant and strawberries there. The ducks and the spring blossoms made for a charming, lazy, post brunch walk. K began her nap in the car. At home, I put my feet up with my book, but fell asleep over it and napped blissfully, despite being torn by wanting to wake up and read.
After K awoke, I played the djembe again, and we thoroughly enjoyed our little cutie who was perfectly happy again. We went out to do yard work, and she amused herself going back and forth between us, also celebrating the weather and the wind on her face. I weeded the entire driveway and cleaned up while D bagged the bushes.
I found a good recipe for Collard green poriyal and made super Capsicum Sambaar as well as managed to knock out 6 fabulous fulkas before waking Derek up from his night-nap. His throat is headed the same direction that mine did.
Now, it's time to work on my department Schedule, but I'm exhausted. It will be a pleasure to cap this gorgeous weekend with a good night's rest.
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February 8th, 2011
09:00 am - Arm circle
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